Spoilers: 04x01 Rise
For a moment, just as she hears Castle's pleading words of love, she forgets about the gunshot echoing in her mind. There's a small part of her that thinks that his words are why her heart stutters and almost stops, why there is this crushing weight on her chest and it's hard to gasp for breath.
All Kate can think is, "Oh."
Confusion, lasting for just a fraction of a second, but then, just... nothing. She has no words, probably couldn't get them out if she could. She doesn't know what to think. She should have seen it, should have known; she is a detective after all.
Maybe, she did know, and that gives her the greatest pause; because, if she knew and still played this game of 'round and 'round again with Castle, what does that mean? How does she feel? She doesn't want to think about it, wants to let it sink away into the darkness pulling her down. Why did he do this? Why now?
Later, tomorrow, whenever it is (time seems so fluid and yet stagnant right now - someone shot her, she almost died, she did die) Castle walks into her room, and she tries to smile, but it feels like her insides were all rearranged on the operating table. Josh had his hands on her heart, stitched the frayed pieces back together with his needle, but at that moment, it feels like Castle is the one holding it in his grasp, squeezing it tight, forcing it to beat in a rhythm of his choosing, and she doesn't like it one bit.
She tells herself that it is a kindness, her lie. She hates lying, especially to herself, but she can't do this right now, can't be here right now, can't be whatever it is he wants from her. Maybe, she can't ever.
She never thought of herself as the femme fatale - Nikki Heat aside - but right now, she's right there with Scarlett O'Hara... Tomorrow is another day. She'll think about it tomorrow... when she can breathe again.