Teyla wandered the long, gray hallways of the SGC, toward her assigned quarters. The stark bareness of the base was unsettling, as was the knowledge that she was currently several hundred feet below the surface. It was too reminiscent of hiding away from the Wraith in the caves of her home planet.
She didn't care for this place, or for the memories, or for hiding. She was a warrior and a leader. Yet, she was a stranger here, an alien, a woman, and she had many who would dismiss her council for such reasons, despite the fact that she had been fighting the Wraith her whole life, and her people had done so for generations.
Still, there were allies to be found here, as there had been among those who had come to Atlantis. The members of the group called SG-1 had impressed her with their knowledge and experience. She did not envy them their current battle with the Ori, even in exchange for her own against the Wraith.
She knew, however, that the Wraith would not be kept away from this galaxy indefinitely. They were, in their own way, as determined as the Ori, or the Goa'uld that they had spoken of. She would do her best to help prevent that. She respected and cared for these people, who were at once so advanced and yet, so child-like. She held their protection among her duties.
There was one who especially intrigued her - Lt. Col. Samantha Carter. She was a scholar and a soldier. Teyla had seen even those of higher position and authority defer to her knowledge. Even McKay had conceded a point or two to the colonel. It had inspired her to a carefully hidden smile.
Still, there was something about the way the blonde held herself when no one was looking that resonated within Teyla. Like Teyla herself, this was a strong woman, who cared greatly for her people and struggled to do her best for them. She was one who knew that vulnerability and insecurity were best kept hidden behind closed doors and polite masks. The thought that there might be a kindred soul in this desolate place was enough motivation for Teyla to stop at the door two rooms down from her own and knock for admittance.
It was late, but Lt. Col. Carter opened the door promptly. She had shed the over shirt from her uniform, and her boots, and her blonde hair was slightly tousled, as if she had been lying in bed, resting.
"I apologize for disturbing you at this hour, Colonel. I did not realize that you had already retired for the evening."
"No problem, Teyla, and please, call me 'Sam'. Would you like to come in?"
Her smile and welcome seemed quite genuine and Teyla found herself smiling in response, as she ducked her head in acceptance and crossed the threshold.
"Actually, I have a simulation in the works, and have to check on it in about an hour. It didn't seem to make much sense to go all the way home, just to come back a few hours later."
"This is not your home, Colonel?"
"No," Sam chuckled. "For most of us, this is just where we work. We have homes or apartments off-base, in town."
"I see. That must be - pleasant. This place is more - plain - than I have associated with your people, in my time on Atlantis."
Sam smiled. "I'd imagine. Military barracks, or uniforms for that matter, " she said as she plucked at her black t-shirt, " really aren't made for self-expression."
Teyla found her gaze drawn to Sam's fingers where they still rested against the soft, black material of her shirt, and upward to the firm swell of her breasts. Sam must have noticed, because a pink blush was spreading across her face and down the column of her throat, past the neckline of her shirt. Teyla smiled softly and ducked her head apologetically.
"I wished to thank you for your kindness this afternoon and to express my appreciation for your wisdom and accomplishments. I am glad to have met you, Colonel Carter." She turned to go, but Sam prevented her from reaching the door, by holding onto her arm.
"Please, Teyla, stay. I would like to get to know you better. You can tell me more about your people, or about Atlantis." Sam paused and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm not likely to get any sleep, anyway, and I'd like the company, if you don't mind."
"Thank you, Colonel."
"'Sam', please, Teyla."
"Sam." Teyla acknowledged.
Sam looked around the small room and waved awkwardly toward the bed. "I'm afraid there's not really anywhere else to sit. Can I get you something to drink?"
Teyla sat delicately on the edge of the cot and looked around the small room, then back at Sam. "Do you have a cup of water?"
Sam nodded and walked over to a small brown refrigerator, next to the desk, hidden, like most of the room's surfaces, under a pile of papers. She bent down and removed two bottles of water, before returning and handing one to Teyla.
Teyla quickly concentrated on opening her bottle and relieving the dryness in her mouth, from her view of Sam's backside, with those pants stretched tightly across it, as she bent over. She drank her water and took several deep breaths to relax. Sam was having quite the effect on her self-control. It had been many seasons since she had been so affected by the proximity of another.
Among her own people, an expression of interest was almost always accepted kindly, even if not reciprocated, but she had learned that was not always the case with the people of this world, especially between members of the same sex. It added to her uncharacteristic feeling of being off-balance.
Sam leaned back against the wall behind the bed and picked at the edge of the label on her bottle with her thumbnail, as she detailed some of the experiments that she was working on as a result of the technologies and information brought back from Atlantis.
Teyla tried to follow along, but mostly just enjoyed the cadence of Sam's voice and the passionate way that she spoke of her work. She found herself relaxing her own posture to lean back next to the scientist and listen to her animated - if one-sided - conversation.
Sam paused mid-gesture and looked at Teyla quizzically. "You don't care about all of this, do you? I'm sorry. I get a little carried away. Normally, my audiences aren't so patient when I start babbling."
"You are very passionate about your work. Such dedication should be encouraged."
Sam chuckled. "Thanks. I think.
Let's find something else to talk about, though. I don't want to monopolize the conversation."
Teyla smiled. "Among my people, it is common to share your hopes of the future, especially between new friends. It can be very insightful."
"The future?" Sam asked quietly, as she looked down at her hands, and the bottle that she held.
"I don't know. I don't spend a lot of time thinking of the future much, any more. It seems so far away. So much can happen that can change everything. People die. People are left behind..." her voice trailed off on a husky note.
"I too have lost many of my people, and of those that have been close to me. My own hopes are sparse and speak mostly to the future of my people.
I do have my own desires and dreams, as well, even if I am not always able to honor them above my duties. When I joined your people in the City of the Ancestors, I did my best to serve my duties to both my people, and myself but my choice was not without sacrifice.
"Many of my people do not understand or accept my choice. It is a - lonely - existence, to always be on the outside of both groups. I hope that will not always be the case."
"I was engaged to be married. He was a good man." Sam spoke softly, looking squarely at Teyla to return the honesty.
"My father passed away, right before the wedding. I didn't go through with it."
"You were pledged by your father?"
"No. No, we don't do that. Well, some people do, but it was my choice. It's just... losing my father - He was a Tok'ra, blended. Do you know what that is?"
"I remember it being spoken of."
Sam nodded. "I was 'blended' once myself. Jolinar. She sacrificed herself to save me. She died to save my life.
"Selmak - the Tok'ra blended with my father - had that choice, too. She probably would have done it, I think, but she was quite old and weak. We needed her to help us defeat Anubis and the replicators. She stayed to help and became too weak. She didn't have the strength to separate. They both died.
"I didn't want to lose him. I loved him, a lot. Part of me, though, thinks it was the right thing. Selmak saved my father's life several years ago - he would have died if he hadn't blended with her. We weren't that close then. Selmak helped us to do that. She also gave him a purpose, helped him to be a better person, a better father.
"I don't think that he would have wanted to live without her.
"I remember how hard it was to lose Jolinar, and she was only with me for a short time. They were together for years.
"I want that, I think. Not to be blended again, but to be that close to someone." Sam fell silent, a look that spoke of self-consciousness on her face.
Teyla reached out and took one of Sam's hands into her own.
"That was not the case, with your chosen husband?"
"Pete was very - kind. He would have made a good husband, I think." Sam paused and wrinkled her brow in thought. "I couldn't have been the wife he wanted - or deserved. I think I knew that all along.
"Marriage is hard enough, when both people understand..." Sam changed her train of thought. "This isn't an easy life. I don't regret it, most of the time, but it was my choice. I knew the consequences of that and still chose it. Pete didn't. He tried, but he didn't really understand, and I guess I need someone who did."
"We have both made sacrifices in the service of our people, but perhaps it will not always be so."
"Maybe," Sam smiled a little, then her expression slowly sobered, and she looked away, across the room. "I thought..."
"There was someone, once?"
"Yes."
"I too had someone that I cared for deeply. The summer that I first came of age, I spent much of my time among her people. We often traded, and it was common for our young people to work together to tend to the fields on both of our worlds.
"She was very special to me, but she was younger than myself, and our fathers did not encourage our alliance. My duties took me away from her, and she turned out to be - different - from who I thought her to be. Her people were not as I thought them, either.
"We did not meet well, when I saw her last. We are not the girls that we once were."
"What was her name?"
"Sora."
"Janet."
Teyla looked at Sam curiously."Her name was Janet. She was a doctor here, at the SGC. She was my best friend. She had a daughter, Cassie. We were a family. We loved each other very much. She was killed in action.
"I miss her. I miss her a lot." Sam's eyes drifted closed in pain.
"I almost left when she died. I almost walked away. Everything hurt so much, and I couldn't tell anyone. Even Cassie - Janet and I were careful, we had to be. I don't know how much Cassie knew, and she was so upset about losing Janet. I couldn't add to her pain.
"It was just after Mark had introduced me to Pete. I don't remember how I started dating him. He was a nice guy - persistent. I think that I thought maybe it was my last chance at a 'real life'. Janet was upset. I could tell, but she never... We never fought about it. She just wished me luck. That's what I remember, her telling me that she hoped I'd find what I was looking for.
"I kept going, after she died, to that I wouldn't have time to think, to remember. Fortunately, there was so much to do, so much to keep me busy. I didn't have time to break down, so I kept going, kept working.
"One day, I looked up, and realized that I was still here. Janet was dead, and I was still here, still had work to do."
Teyla gently squeezed Sam's hand, where she still held it in her own.
Sam slowly lifted her other hand and gently brushed Teyla's hair away from her face. She looked deeply into the other woman's eyes and took a shuddering breath.
"Thank you."
"It is I who should be thanking you for your confidence."
"Me, too, Teyla. I mean it. I'm glad that you're here."
"As am I." Teyla reached up slowly, to place her hands on the sides of Sam's face and drew her close, touching their foreheads together.
She could feel Sam's breath stutter gently against her face, and closed her eyes against the vision of Sam slowly rewetting her lips with the tip of her tongue.
The posture was one of peace and respect, but it was also incredibly intimate at this moment. She could feel the soft skin of Sam's face under her fingertips and the slightly calloused ridges of Sam's hands against her own, as well as the shared breaths passed back and forth between them. She drew back slightly to meet Sam's eyes.
The deep blue pools seemed to draw her in, as if urging her to drown in their depths. There must have been an answering awareness in her own eyes, because they moved toward each other and gently pressed their lips together.
Teyla felt the passion between them - a fire that could be ignited hot and fast, with the slightest touch - but instead they just clung to each other, neither ready to push that far, yet. They needed this closeness, craved the intimacy of this moment. Somehow, they knew there would be time for more, later.
They were reminded of that a moment later when the shrill alarm of Sam's clock radio broke the silence.
"I've got to go. I'm sorry."
"It's no bother. You must tend to your duties. Besides, it is growing late. Perhaps it is time for me to seek my own rest."
"Stay. Please. I mean... if you want to, you are welcome to stay. I won't be long."
Teyla nodded in acknowledgement. "As you wish. I will wait for you to return."
Sam's smile brightened her face, as she looked up from tying the laces on her boots.
"Make yourself at home. I'll be back as soon as I can." She caught one of Teyla's hands in her own and raised it to her lips, placing a small kiss on the knuckles, before letting go and walking to the door.
Teyla watched Sam grab her over shirt from the back of the desk chair and slide it on as she left the room. She didn't mind waiting. Some things were worth waiting for.