I always hate writing about myself, as I never know what to say. Yet, now that I think about it, in some ways, that is all I ever do. I am always writing something. Some of it makes its way through to fanfic, but its always about me or some part of me. There is some spark, some emotion that won't stay contained, so I push it down onto paper trying to exorcise it.
I am a chronic insomniac. I have been since I was twelve. Amazingly enough, that's also when I started writing. Back then it was poems, and then songs, then letters. Somewhere along the way it became fan fiction. I used to have a freind that I would swap these stories or "dreams" with. She and I lost touch, but the stories didn't stop. It was almost ten years later before I discovered fan fiction on the net and realized that I wasn't the only one with these stories.
When I try to lay in bed at night, my mind doesn't slow. It flys and floats and dashes to all of the things I need to do, to see, to express. This is often when I get my best ideas for stories. I lay there and they write themselves. If the pull is strong enough, I get up and try to get the words out of my head and onto the paper. Other times, I think that I will just wait and try to sleep and come back to it in the morning. I seldom can catch the thread again and the inspiration echoes inside me.
I write about all different characters and even in several different fandoms. I started out in the Xena fandom. I stumbled upon it one day and have three unfinished novellas, with copious notes, that I desperately need to finish one day. I briefly hung out in the Lois-n-Clark realm. Then it was the all encompassing realm of Buffy. Recently, there is no telling in what corner of the web I may be found.
For most of the last few years, I have been writing Angel and Buffy: TVS stories. I like Cordelia and her contridictions. I like Faith and the way she reminds me of my youth, the good and bad. I also liked Riley. I don't think he really belongs with Buffy, but I really like the character. He is human with a need to be a hero. He was a part of the group, but not. And he loved completely and honestly.
I write to draw on those parts of the characters that resonate with me, or the ideas that amuse me. I deal with my frustration when Joss or Chris Carter, or whoever doesn't just do it MY way. I do it to play and laugh, like a child playing house. Mostly, I do it because I'm wide awake and dreaming.
30 December 2001